He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke.

Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree.

If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!

If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

Don’t worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

If the Lord had meant us to fly, He would have given us aluminum skin.

If you lie to the computer, it will get you.

You couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.

If you see an onion ring – answer it!

I’d rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a
5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than…

She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister’s
wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

My sister is soooooo ugly, we had to tie a pork chop around her
neck to get the dogs to play her.

You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.

It’s colder than a mother-in-law’s love.

She’s uglier than a bucket full of armpits. Bless her heart.

He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Ain’t no point in beatin’ a dead horse…’course, can’t hurt none either.

I’d love to have a dress just like that, but I don’t go to many Puerto Rican proms.

He’s so stupid, he couldn’t find his ass with both hands.

32 Responses to “Redneck Sayings and Quotes”

  1. Grdngurl64 Says:

    I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs

  2. auntie f Says:

    He’s so stupid, he couldn’t find his rear end in the dark with 2 hands and a flashlight!

  3. Colt Says:

    A day without beer is like a day without s*x…. you cant live without it

  4. Baxter Finch Says:

    shit is inevitable

  5. Michelle Says:

    i enjoy readin stuff like this…..especially when im having a bad day! keep up the good work guys…..=]

  6. samantha Says:

    your brother is soo ugly if he sits forward.

  7. Mirandia Says:

    Im more antsy than a one eyed cat trying to watch 9 rat holes.

  8. Jenn Says:

    You might be a redneck if the dashboard of your car doubles as the dining room table!

  9. Pete Says:

    slicker than snot off a rooster’s beak.

  10. Luz e Says:

    I always like a good ,smart or funny saying or qoute,but that one with the dress and puerto rican prom its not very funny what you meant by that? I donot get it nor I believe I will. OPutting down any nationality or by that fact culture its not funny at all. If I am wrong then someone please explain it to me ? thank you

  11. butt sniff Says:

    Luz e

    it funny cuz all them ricans dress all colorful and what not

  12. eric Says:

    im happier than a ten peckered billy goat with a bucket full of quarters on nickle night at a whore house

  13. Mary Says:

    One of my faves is “Well butter my b*tt and call me a biscuit!”

  14. Melanie Says:

    She was so ugly she could trick or treat over the telephone

  15. Levi Says:

    Darlin.You’re hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention.

  16. Lee Bo Says:

    im happier than a tornado in a trailer park

    you might be a redneck…if you wear a strapped bra with a strapless dress!

  17. Emily Says:

    sorry but us southern people dont talk like that we might be rednecks but we sure aint no hillbillies!!!!!

  18. Mike Says:

    Sweatin’ like a whore in church…

  19. CountryGurl4ever Says:

    well im from carolina & believe it or not we use all these sayins. i love the south :D aint never goin up north!

  20. Diana Says:

    My Paw Paw used to tell me he loved me more than a runover opossum. That’s country!!!

  21. Ken Engle Jr. Says:

    on regards to Obamas win of the presidential election.
    I aint much on it !

  22. Redneck Brody Says:

    A saying that I really like is ” happier than a puppy with 2 peters!”

  23. larry Says:

    I’m as confused as a blind lesbian in fish market…..

  24. jacob Says:

    She is so big u can’t use flower to find the wet spot . you just flipt through the fat rolls til you smell poop and flip back one. (OH THERE IT IS)

  25. jacob Says:

    shoot im madder than a queer on valintines day with lock jaw.

  26. Redneck71 Says:

    Busier then a one legged man in an ass kickin contest!!!

  27. Muzik Man Says:

    that food is so good, i put it on top of my head and my tongue beat my brains out trying 2 get 2 it

  28. HaHa-Hilarious Says:

    Basically my wife was immature. I’d be in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.
    - Woody Allen

  29. Boonebaby Says:

    Guns don’t kill people, Daddy’s with beautiul daughters do !!

  30. kelly Says:

    busier than a one legged guy in a a$s kicking contest

  31. ROBERT Says:

    slicker than snot on a glass door knob!

  32. ratalie Says:

    Were closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.

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