Quotes and Sayings

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
- Paul Harvey

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
- Jack Benny

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
- Al Boliska

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
- Ben Hogan

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
- Jimmy Demaret

We learn so many things from golf — how to suffer, for instance.
- Bruce Lansky

I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.
- Buddy Hackett

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
- Gerald Ford

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
- Hank Aaron

The more I practice, the luckier I get.
- Gary Player

What a shame to waste those great shots on the practice tee.
- Walter Hagen

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
- Author Unknown

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
- Henry Longhurst

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
- George Deukmejian

Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists.
- Heywood Hale Broun

A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.
- Jean Giraudoux

One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.
- George Archer

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
- Billy Graham

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you’ve found a man about to make a difficult putt.
- Fletcher Knebel

Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.
- Woodrow Wilson

A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
- Anonymous

Gone golfin’… be back dark thirty.
- Anonymous

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
- William Wordsworth

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
- Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.
- Anonymous

I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
- Anonymous

I have spent most of my life golfing ….. the rest I have just wasted.
- Author Unknown

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
- Pete Dye

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?
- George Archer

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.
- Osbert Sitwell

One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens.
- Pete Alfano

Golf is golf.You hit the ball, you go find it.Then you hit it again.
- Lon Hinkle

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
- Author Unknown

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk.I prefer to take the dogs out.
- Princess Anne of Great Britain

One minute you’re bleeding.The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.
- Mac O’Grady

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
- Ernest Hemingway

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
- Robin Williams

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
- Tiger Woods

Golf is not just an exercise; it’s an adventure, a romance… a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.
- Harold Segall

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
- George Deukmejian

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.
- Don Carter

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance.
- Alistair Cooke

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.
- Michael Bamberger

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
- John Updike

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
- Huxtable Pippey

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
- Michael Green

Golf is a fascinating game.It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
- Ted Ray

Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
- Arthur Daley

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
- A.A. Milne

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
- P.G. Wodehouse

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
- John Updike

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