Comical Quotes and Sayings
Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Never eat with your mouth full.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.
Sometimes people need what only friends can provide — Absence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!)
Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it’s hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.
Be alert – the world needs more lerts.
Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.
Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.
With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.
To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.
If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.
People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.
Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
“To err is human. To really screw things up you need a screwdriver.” -remix
Dont go to high school.
Go to school high.
it was not the apple in the tree but the pair on the ground that caused all the trouble in the garden
i put all these on another 1 funny i think, but who cares
sticks and stones may break my bones
if they do, my fist will f*cking hurt you
treat life like a dog !!
if you cant eat or sh*g it
p*iss on it and walk away
the americans always do the right thing…
right after they’v done everthing else (winston churchill)
little miss muffit,
sat on her tuffit,
knickers all tatterd and torn,
it wasnt a spider that sat down beside her,
but a little boy getting the horn,
i acknolegde and understand that Im not perfect
*99.999% but honestly.. somtimes it scares me
men have two brains, the one in their head.. and the one they listen to
sticks and stones may break my bones
but whips and chaines exite me
so tie me up, then throw me down
and show me that you like me
alcohole.. the course and sulution to all of lifes lil probles
“no.. im not smart, your just dumb”
friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but onlly you get the warm feeling that it brings
i swear to drunk im not god
if it weren’t for thomas edison we’d all be sitting in the dark watching television
God made Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve
looks like “someone” is homophobic LOL
“50% of the cola right there, are you following me camera guy” – Freaking sham wow guy.
Excellent ideas here, have emailed my mum so expect a big reply!!
When Life gives you lemons, Make lemonade then go find they guy who’s life is giving him vodka and have a party!
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