Comical Quotes and Sayings

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Never eat with your mouth full.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.

Sometimes people need what only friends can provide — Absence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!)

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it’s hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.

Be alert - the world needs more lerts.

Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.

Friends don’t let friends drive naked.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.

With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.

To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.

People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.

Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.