Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a single word you say.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.
Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.
It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.
God is clever, but not dishonest.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
Clever men are good, but they are not the best.
Clever people will recognize and tolerate nothing but cleverness.
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:24 am
if you give a man a fish, you will feed him for one day. but if you teach him how to fish, you will feed him for the rest of his life
December 17th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
if you give a man a fish, you will feed him for one day. But if you teach him how to phish, the fbi will knocking at your front door a few weeks later.
January 7th, 2009 at 5:07 am
life is like tossing a coin…head or tail?
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
“they say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing…
so how much do you need for it to be safe?”
February 24th, 2009 at 10:44 am
A women’s deviousness is only limited by the size of her imagination and her husband’s bank balance
March 17th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
NEVER LEAVE THE 1 U LOVE FOR THE 1 U LIKE BECAUSE THE 1 U LIKE WILL LEAVE U FOR THE 1 THEY LOVE
March 18th, 2009 at 8:56 am
cake is good, so when i eat it, i say this is good cake, penguins say meow!
March 19th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
theyre was a blond,burnett and a red head they went deer huntin and the red head and the burnett shot a deer but the blond didnt get anything and the burnett said ill follow the tracks and get my deer so she did and came back with a deer and the red head did the same exact thing and the blonde went and never came back! she followed the tracks and got hit by a train!:)
April 24th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
The only things I ever say are lies.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:19 am
Most of the time you should fight fire with fire, but every now and then water can be equally effective.
May 17th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
“You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be
misquoted and used against you”
August 5th, 2009 at 3:57 am
“Ignorance may be bliss for some; it’s a birthright for others”"
August 24th, 2009 at 10:56 am
If you can read this, your not blind.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
Remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.
Everyone has the same first name…just spelled and pronounced differently
You are the U in the Universe
The bigger they come, the harder they fall. But the harder they fall, the higher they bounce.
Give a man food, and he can eat for a day. Give a man a job, and he can only eat for 30 minutes on break
I’m a pyromaniac, I can’t wait to go to Hell…
You may not be as good as the next man. But remember, the next man always comes after you
November 8th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
“Fighting for peace is like having $ex for v!rginity.”
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:59 pm
A man can go in search of love for days, months, and even years…. it is when he stops trying that the love he has long been searching for seems to find him.
December 5th, 2009 at 1:43 am
So true…
February 11th, 2010 at 7:54 am
the grass actually is greener… get over it..!
February 19th, 2010 at 8:40 am
what is greater than god, but worse than the devil,
all poor people have it, all rich people want it,
and if you eat it, you die?
-nothing
March 4th, 2010 at 2:23 am
“Knowing what to do is one thing but having the courage to it is quite another one!”